too long and too much - don't wait!

There are many things "normal" isn't getting right about marriage these days (obviously), but two stand out as "easy" fixes, and they start before marriage starts.

Unfortunately, what I'm about to share isn't directly helpful to existing marriages, but I want to share it all the same.  It could just be the thinking behind it might be helpful to all of us in the adventure of marriage...but for any of you who are thinking about marriage - consider this.

Most people are waiting too long to get married, 
                               and investing too much in the wedding.

The age for first marriages continues to rise, and from my view this is not good.  Now if you haven't found the right person, hey, please wait.  I've known some who have had to wait a very long time for the right person - and the reward for waiting in this case it great.  However, this isn't what I'm normally seeing as the delay.  

Delay one - I need to get my career up and going first.

Delay two - We need to get financially stable first.

Delay three - I'm scared of marriage and the commitment it represents.

Delay four - Why rush, we can get married later (like when houses and kids enter the conversation)

Delay five - Let's just ease into this

Delay six - I'm not sure this person is the right one

      Okay - I could make the list longer, 

              but 1 to 3 are the basics I've seen.

If you want a better marriage - get married sooner than later.  Waiting does many things, but it does not strengthen marriage.  A marriage that goes through setting up apartments, job searches, unemployment, figuring out patterns, etc...has a bond which is important.  You don't get your career going then marry, you marry and then build your careers together.  Maybe you won't get as high up the ladder, but a great marriage will bring more long term joy and satisfaction than any career. 

Marriages definitely need to get financially stable, but if you do it together, it will be mutual stability.  It will not be a merger of two financial systems, but one built (and rebuilt) from the ground up together.  

The more you go through together, the easier it is to really know each other.  And the more you know, the less you feel the need to hide.  Couples who have had their separate financial world are tempted to keep a fig leaf over this account or that.  To hide that purchase or that.  Yes, this happens in all types of marriages, but the sooner you get it all into one pot, the better.  

Build your life together, as soon as possible!  

Try this on for size....

   If you are over 20 years old, if you have dated over six months, you should either be talking about engagement, or calling it quits. If you don't know within a year, something is missing....  And if you are engaged, you should have a date within 14 months, or don't call it an engagement.  (wedding are easily planned in months)  

Which bring me to point to - if you can't afford to get married you need to reevaluate.  Everyone can afford to get married, marriage licenses are very inexpensive.  What you can't afford is an image of a wedding pushed by capitalistic businesses.  Invest more in you marriage than your wedding.  Trust me, a better marriage is more valuable than the best wedding reception!  The right person looks better by your side than a ring of any value!  

A great marriage can be built - start building young!