Troublesome Cards

Okay, I say those within a marriage have a Marital Tank.  If both tanks are getting filled up, a marriage is heading in a great direction.  Really this is true for all relationships; men with men, women with women, parents with kids, etc... in relationships if the one is being filled by the other, and if it is reciprocated, the relationship can be much more than if it is only one sided (or worse).  But when you put a man and a woman together, you are combining two differents - and that takes some additional work. (but it is totally worth it)

Time for an example:
The innocent card.  You know, the type exchanged for birthdays,  anniversaries, and just to say, "I Love You!"

Not everyone responds the same way to a card.  No one I know minds receiving a nice card from a loved one.  However, what it does to their marital tank is very different.  I know many people who, when they receive a card carefully selected from those long racks of cheerful color, experience a significant filling of their tank.  I know just about as many people, when they receive an even nicer card, selected with even more thought and care, experience about two drops striking the still water of their tank.

That first group are most of the women I know, the second are most of the men.  Jennifer loves getting a card, it touches something within her which is apparently absent within me.  For me a card has an impact, but for Jennifer it is much greater.  On the other hand, what Jen writes within a card given to me can like opening up a faucet above my tank.  I am learning that I need to go out, stare at the racks, read some nauseating cards, and settle on one which expresses my thoughts.  Jennifer has learned that she can get away with a scrap of paper pulled from the recycling bin - as long as the words she writes are those which fill my tank (more on that later).

Filling our Marital Tanks

This is a huge challenge we must face in getting naked in the garden.  We naturally try and fill their tank with what fills our own.  I don't know how many heartfelt cards I created for Jen on scraps of recycled paper.  And I have collection of beautiful store bought cards from Jen.  We were both missing the mark, but trying so hard!

And it really comes down to gender.  Men and women are different.  There are individuals and couples who might turn the generalities I state on their head, but for the vast majorities: Men are Men and Women are Women.  And as we embrace our differences - as I go shopping for cards, and Jen recognizes my achievements in writing - our tanks begin to fill, and a wonderfully affirming cycle continues.