The Basic Idea

His and Hers

Marriage is awesome - or at least it can be.  Marriage can also be hell on earth.  And for most people who are married it is somewhere in between.  So how do people do it?  How come some people have truly great marriages?

Are they better people?  Are they smarter, more compatible, or just plain lucky?  No!

Some people with great marriages may not be able to tell you why their's is working so well, but there are some very real reasons.  The truth is, everyone can have a better marriage.  But it takes doing the right things.  We can talk later about why some people might "instinctively" know the right things to do (that is a big misnomer, but hey....), but the hope is to highlight some of the proven "right things" we can all increase within our marriages to move things in the right direction.

We need a way to think about this which we can take with us every day, in every interaction with our spouses.  Try this on for size:

Every married person has a MARITAL TANK

A place within them which desires to be filled, and when it is, they can be the best husband or wife possible - but when it is going dry, things can get really ugly.  But here is the kicker which gets most of us in trouble.  They come in his and her varieties.  And his is different than hers.  They both need to be filled, but they get filled differently.  Ladies have to figure out how to figure out how to fill up the guys tank, and guys have some learning to do to be good at filling up hers.  When he is filling hers, and she is filling his, the whole system gains energy and amazing things can happen.  Better sex, more fulfillment, less fighting, real closeness, pressure eases, joy can be found together, security is there when apart, kids have better parents, and did I mention better sex (it's a guy tank filling thing). 

If you can become an expert in filling your spouses Marital Tank, things will get better.  If they do the same (you can help in this), things are likely to get amazing!  But we have to realize, study, and appreciate the differences.

We have "fig leaves" (see: Naked in what garden?) because we know we are different, but we try and hide our differences.  As we accept our differences, they become our marital strength.  It is the differences which allow two to become one, the incomplete to become complete, and life to be very good.

See the next page for an example of marital tank filling differences. Troublesome Cards