did you marry an ax murderer?

What do you think about the person you married?  What did you think about the person you married?
Pretty much everyone who marries, thinks they have someone good - someone with a good heart and good intentions.  And probably they did.  Over time, some people come to think that they married an ax murder.

Speaking of which:

If you never saw the movie, sorry, but hey - [spoiler alert] she wasn't an ax murder.

Did you marry an ax murder?  If yes, seek help from law enforcement.  You made a huge mistake.

If no, keep going back to your wedding day.  Go back in your mind to the person you initially fell in love with.  That person is still there. In a marriage where each person is working to fill the other's marital tank, the relationship keeps getting better.  In time you find you are married to someone who seems even better than when you started.  However, if the tanks are being drained, now you are sure he is a rock wall, she is a nag, that he doesn't care, or that she will never be happy.

Whether things are good for you, or a challenge right now, ask your self - did I marry an overall decent person?  Look at how they treat other people.  How do they relate to strangers, to co-workers, to their mother?  If they are always in jerk mode, then yes, maybe there are some deeper issues going on.  However, if they know how to relate civilly, if they can be kind, you probably did marry a decent person.  Your work as a spouse is to continually draw that out, encourage it, help them be the best person they can in every circumstance.  (this is tricky, we need to do it in the right way (hint: nagging doesn't work))

Right now may be the best point in your marriage ever - hold on to it, remember it, and enjoy it.
Right now may be a bit rocky - can you remember a better time?  The same people are still available, there is some work to do, but better days can come again!

This is a foundational idea to getting rid of the fig leaves.  We need to get rid of the judgment, and return to trusting that there is good in the other.  Assume the best motives (unless you married and ax murder).