Who are your friends - as you parent?

Marriage and parenting - 9 times out of 10 - go together like a horse and...

Actually, I don't know what percentage of married couples have kids*, but if you do, they have a major impact on your marriage.  Kids create higher levels of fulfillment, and corresponding higher levels of stress.  Whether toddlers, college students or adults - children bring joy, but not necessarily happiness.

How do we increase the fulfillment and joy from our kids?  (Not that having kids is all about us, but how do we maximize the experience for everyone involved?)  In August I thought about the desires we have for our kids -  Kids? (Aug15)  

So the next question is (following up on last week's entry) who are the parents of the type of kid(s) you are working toward?  I run into lots of teens who I would love to have my kids become like, and many more who are not my target at all.  There are plenty of kids in our middle class community who are considered "good kids" who are not my goal in parenting.

Obviously, there are absolutely no guarantees in parenting.  I have know enough families to know that every person is a unique individual, who will ultimately choose their own path.  There are personality traits within kids which are beyond the control of any parent - but every parent is in a position to shape and guide toward a great outcome.  No guarantees, but I'm also able to be involved with many different parents, many different kids, and see some families with much better outcomes.

The primary thing I see is this.  The families with kids on a trajectory I desire for my kids are doing things differently.  They don't do things because that is what everyone else is doing.  In fact, they do things which few others are doing.  They are not normal - because normal seem really good at creating distant, rebellious, peer driven and media shaped kids.

Look around as a couple, who is a step or two ahead of you, and are parenting kids you hope to work toward.  Befriend them, learn from them, watch them.  Even the best parents I know struggle.  There is no perfect kid, their frontal lobes aren't fully formed, they have a lot they are sorting out - but if you have people who are helpful in your parenting - helping you be better than normal - it will be a long term help to your marriage.  Better parenting builds better marriages (and better marriages enable better parenting)


I don't want a normal marriage, and I don't want normal kids!  I'm working for better, I hope you are as well.


*while looking for the percentage of people who end up having kids, I came across this site: www.familyfacts.org/briefs/marriage-and-family  - some interesting information.