fat but happy

This week a study came out which sheds some interesting light on my last posting. The gist is that people who are happy in marriage gain more weight than those who are unhappily married.  Apparently everyone already knows that:

marriage = weight gain 

and 

divorce = weight loss.  

(How sad is that?), but now  research has shown the following,

"Satisfaction is positively associated with weight gain," Meltzer said. "Spouses who are more satisfied tend to gain more weight, and spouses who are less satisfied tend to gain less weight."        HealthDay

The theory lifted up is the "mating market."  We stay fit to attract a partner, and if divorce is a possibility, you need to stay in market ready condition.  Hey, I got no problem with that theory, much of the fitness industry is about staying attractive.   So it follows, if the primary reason you were slim and trim was to get in the door, once you are in and the deal is sealed, that motivation is done.

You have pledged to each other, "for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, if you are a stud or a couch potato, I'm yours and you are mine."  In a happy marriage, there is security in those vows, you will love each other regardless of physical appearance or level of health - and that is how it should be.

HOWEVER - what does it mean to love and to cherish until death do us part?  Love is active, and a big part is meeting the needs (and often the desires) of the one you love.  And the general theory that I hold to is that men and women want different things, and in a great marriage, we work to figure out what the other spouse wants and fill their marital reservoir.  We show our love in a way that is meaningful to them.  We work on it.

The motivation of fitness changes:
It goes from getting what you want,
to giving them what they want.

Maybe they want someone with type II diabetes?  Maybe they want someone who's joints wear out prematurely, who has heart disease, who doesn't have the energy to have active fun, who has to limit their activity because they simply don't fit?  Now if these things cannot be avoided, that is where the "in sickness and in health" comes in, a true commitment to love sees past all these things.  But in a great marriage, being the best you possible should be a gift to your spouse.

Health is reason enough - but for visually oriented guys (most of us), a fit wife is a great expression of love.  And guys, if you want to help your wife stay trim (which she probably desires for herself), maintaining your fitness helps her.  And a strong man is a desirable thing to most women.

What's your motivation for fitness?  Is it an act of love?

Do you exercise for a better, long lasting, marriage?

only 3 pounds...

A few years ago I heard something interesting;
the average American gains 3 pounds a year.

I think most of us, as we take stock after the holidays, don't have any problem believing that number.  Most people I know don't go on vacation, or pass through a holiday season, without adding three to five pounds of extra luggage.  But that is not what this national average is about, it is the progressive increase year after year.  Lots of people gain some pounds here and there, lose some here and there - but on average, Americans gain three more than we lose year after year.

It is no wonder the majority of people are overweight, and 1/3 have a Body Mass Index (BMI) of over 30 (I.e., obese) - because most Americans are over 40 years old.  If you start at a healthy BMI at age 25 and you stick with the national average, you will be obese somewhere by age 50 - it just takes 3 pounds a year.  (Curious?  Calculate BMI Here)

So why do I bring it up?  Two-fold:
1.  Fitness benefits marriages.  I don't have any statistics of whether physically fit people as a whole have better marriages, but I'm pretty confident fit people enjoy a good marriage more.  Whether it is from the type of things fitness adds (more energy, better outlook, physical attraction, better sex...) or removes (less sickness, less guilt, depression), moving in the direction of fitness helps marriages.

2.  It is a great illustration of drift.  It is only 3 pounds, it is only a few missed date nights, it is only a little emotional hurt, it is only...  If you want better than normal, you have to work at it.  There are things which surround us which make it the norm for people to gain 3 pounds a year, and there are things which surround us which pull people apart, even people who have promised, "to death do us part."  More on this in Drift - July 2012  Yes, we all have ups and downs, but for some reason the negatives naturally win over the positives.  If this happens, even by a small margin, the impact grows years after year.  But the opposite is true, if each year you take even a small step toward better health, in a decade you won't be the same person.  And all those little wins in a marriage can make it better than imagined a decade from now.

Fight those 3 pounds - work for a better marriage!