Is it okay to be a Princess?

Not every little girl wants to be a princess, and not every little boy wants to use a weapon - but hey, the little girls I know love to believe they are a princess.  Must they make believe or can they be a princess in their little world?
What about when they grow up?
Is it okay for a woman to desire to be a princess?

Absolutely, and it certainly seems most still do.  Not is any bad way, but it a great way.  It is very natural for a woman to want to be cherished, to be admired as special, to be protected as a better class of person.  This isn't about damsel in distress princesshood or being thought of as nothing but a pretty face - but being fully and completely sought after.

There are people who might have a problem with this line of thinking.  Claiming it is sexist;  objectifying women, and breeding women who seek to be objectified.  Women should not want to be princesses in need of a prince, they say.  Strong and independent, not finding their worth or identity in what men think, this is the idealistic goal of some.  Well, I'm willing to let that argument be fought somewhere else.  I want to deal with everyday people trying to make real marriages better.  And the truth is, in a marriage we both need each other - in different ways.

Men - cherish your princess!  Women want to know they are beautiful in your eyes.  If men live this out, a better marriage is built.  It is a common theme among women I have worked with in marriages in the downward spiral of destruction - "I don't feel loved.  I am not appreciated.  He doesn't woo me...."

She is worth loving, appreciating and wooing - that's why you married her!

How do you see her as unbelievably beautiful?  Have eyes only for her.  If you fixate on your wife; avoiding the artificial perfection of modern media, mentally fleeing holding up other women as your desire, and for marriage sake escaping from any lure of pornography - God will grant you the gift of having the most beautiful wife in the world.  Know that you have a princess, look for the royalty within her, and actively cherish your wife.

The average American marriage is made up of a hero and a princess desiring to be recognized and prized for who they truly want to be.  Live into this, and you may just discover a bit more fairy tale in your life...

Almost as important as Sex

Mentioning sex in my last entry doubled readership, and given the popularity of sex, this isn't surprising, In marriage, however, there is something equally popular in our world which is more important than sex - money.

The Bible says "the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows." *

Money problems have pierced more marriages with many more sorrows than sex problems.  A sexless marriage (technically: intimacy less than 10 times a year) is a symptom - money problems are the root of all kinds of marital pain.  Love of money, mishandling of money, mis-communication about money, mixed motives, conflicting priorities, or dishonesty with money - are causal - they make the mess.

If you haven't gone through a money management course together, you should.  Whether it is a book, a DVD series, a course, or a counselor - what you can gain in moving toward a better marriage is significant.  For Jen and I it happened after 14 years of marriage through Financial Peace University.  

A few items which make marriage better:

• A common language about money
• You both get involved in money
• You control your money rather than money controlling you

Money is a mean master, always demanding more and thriving through the multiplication of insecurity.  If you put in the work to master your money - together - the impact will be life giving is so many ways.


PS.  The day to day tool we use in our household is YNAB.  This software actively helps you get on track financially and plan how you are going to use your money.  YNAB stands for You Need A Budget - how very true!

*1 Timothy 6:10